my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
