i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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