I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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