I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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