just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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