peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
