So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize