By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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