jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
did i walk over a car last night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
