She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
