She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
