you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you didnt know i had herpes?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
