Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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