I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this boner is exhausting
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize