bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
