Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
