U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
