weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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