I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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