I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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