My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
