Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Rumble strips road head = magical
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize