then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
