Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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