i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
