Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
