How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
