Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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