I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
