Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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