You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
