Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize