Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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