Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
