Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
