i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
