Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
