Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
