I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
