Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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