Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
