where does the pee come out of this thing
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
