just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
