walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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