Where did you get a picture of my penis
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
bring money and cleavage
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
