the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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