Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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