Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
try to milk me bitch
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