TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
