i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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