yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
