I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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