so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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