Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
