Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
