im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
