Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
