There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
