Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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