No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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