is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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