you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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