we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
