nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
