I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I believe in your delicious
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
