I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
