My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
