When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
