I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
