Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
