I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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