I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
