i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
