hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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