YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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