Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
