Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
